5 Tips for Coping with Holiday Stress

Somehow, the holidays are right around the corner, and while they’re generally happy occasions, they also come with many expectations. You might travel a long distance to see family, or maybe you’re hosting and feel like your house needs to be immaculate. You might be seeing people you only see a few times a year and who know how to push your buttons. Then there’s the cooking, added expenses, and time put into everything.

All this and more can mean that even if you love the holidays, they can be stressful.

And if you’re reading this, it’s very likely that you use food as a coping mechanism. That’s even easier to do with all the holiday foods around.

But since relying on food for stress management isn’t a great long-term strategy, here are some other ways to cope with holiday stress.

1: Accept that things won’t be perfect

Perfection is something many of us struggle with, and that may be even more true around the holidays when you want to be your best around your family.

But let’s face it. The holidays aren’t perfect, and expecting them to be puts undue stress on yourself. If you can accept up front that some things won’t be perfect, you’ll be able to relax and enjoy yourself more.

That may mean not cleaning quite as thoroughly, not making quite so many dishes, being okay with gingerbread people who don’t look quite like the cookie cutter, skipping bows for presents, not getting overly upset if drinks spill, and more.

As with the rest of life, holidays don’t always go according to plan, but you can still enjoy them.

2: Practice responding kindly

When you’re stressed, you might be more likely to snap at people or take offense easily (at least, that’s the case with me). But odds are, the person you’re interacting with during the holidays is also stressed and inclined to overreact, which can quickly lead to small problems escalating into something bigger.

Instead, if you find your blood pressure going up, or you’re tempted to say something mean or derisive, practice pausing, taking a breath, and considering where the other person is coming from. And then, try to respond with kindness, keeping in mind that while you may not know everything they’re going through, they’re undoubtedly going through something. (Because we’re all going through something.)

You may not remember to do this all the time, or you may not do it as well as you’d like (refer to the earlier point about imperfection), but if you set an intention to respond kindly, there’s a much better chance you’ll live up to that than if you don’t make it a priority.

3: Acknowledge loss and sadness

Another reason the holidays can be stressful is if you don’t have family around, or if you’ve lost the people you most wanted to be with.

This is an inevitable reality, especially as you get older. I know I think a lot about my mom at Christmas, both because she loved the holiday and because the last Christmas with her was so hard. (She died in early January, and she was already doing quite poorly at Christmas.) I also think about my aunt Gail and others who are no longer with us for the holidays.

How to cope with this will depend on your situation and how recent the loss is, but it may help to share stories about the person or continue a tradition that they loved. You may also need to simply give yourself a break and not force yourself to act happy when you’re not. And, if needed, it may make sense to speak with a therapist.

Whatever you do, the main thing is to remember that it’s okay to be sad and/or lonely around the holidays, no matter how much cheer is going on around you.

4: Set boundaries

On the flip side, you may be spending a lot of time with people you care about, and much as you enjoy seeing them, it’s possible to have too much of a good thing. (Especially if you’re an introvert.)

This is also something I experience. Since I live alone, and now work from home, being around even a small group for an extended period and being “on” can get a bit exhausting. (I also know that the longer I’m away from home, the more my cats will be bouncing off the walls when I get home, demanding immediate playtime.)

The key is to set boundaries. Decide how much time you want to spend with people and stick with it. If you have a relative who expresses dismay at the fact that you’re leaving already, you may want to let them know upfront what your plan is so they’re not taken by surprise. And if you’ve traveled to be with family, you might see about getting out for a short walk or finding another way to have a little time to yourself.

If you can do this, and find some things you want to do, you’re likely to enjoy your time with relatives more.

5: Stay mindful

And finally, try to remain mindful. Not only about food, though that helps, but everything about the season.

Focus on the holiday music you like and let yourself truly enjoy it, not just have it on as background music. If you decorate, pay attention to the colors and sparkle of whatever you put up, or the glow of candles if you light those. If you spent time cleaning for guests, pause to admire your work. Soak up all the wonderful scents, of food but also beverages and pine needles and more.

And if you’re celebrating with loved ones, take time to appreciate them and your time together. Make memories to carry with you.

Holidays aren’t stress-free but you can cope

The holidays can be stressful, and you may be tempted to just go hide in a corner until they’re over. But it’s possible to engage in them without getting completely stressed out if you find some good coping mechanisms.

Remember that things won’t be perfect, everything will go more smoothly if you try to respond kindly, it’s okay to feel sadness and grief, you’re allowed to set boundaries for yourself, and staying mindful can help you truly appreciate the season. If you can do that, I think you’ll be able to enjoy the holidays, even when things do go to plan.